Flu

The freight train, that is Influenza A, barreled into my life around 11 p.m. a week ago, Saturday, and that’s when my up close and very personal schooling on the flu began.

Over the next several days, I came to understand that the flu is like some dystonic version of Ravel’s Bolero, where sections of the orchestra come in sequentially and the whole thing continues to build and build and build. (If you happen to have a copy of Bolero or can get it through a streaming service, now would be a good time to have it playing for the rest of the blog. For extra authenticity, find a version played by a junior high school orchestra, and not a very good one.)

First was the faintest head discomfort, say a solo flute, that over time became an entire marching band in my head. Queue the bass drum for the throbbing part of the headache. Then the body aches were their own horn section, clashing and off key. But blaring in such a way that you can’t ignore or avoid them. A very formal and glowering fever followed, queue the cellos and basses. These low strings should not be strung with cat gut, but, instead, actual cats, for a true “cat-cophony.” The bone shaking chills that accompanied the fever would be detuned violins sawing away forte. The continuous crescendo of all of this seemed to last the rest of that long first night.

After a night like that I wondered about Covid. We did have a Covid test kit on hand, so in the morning I checked and the test was negative. I wasn’t any better, but at least I didn’t have Covid.

By the end of that first day and over the next sleepless night, I was able to add a complete reed section of runny nose and a random and recurring loud gong of a deep cough. I would choose an ear piercing piccolo for the sore throat. Annoyingly always present. A harp plucking the same chord over and over and over and over…was the numbing fatigue I felt. My list of symptoms was growing. Misery, although not really a symptom, seemed to be the general theme of my dystonic orchestral piece.

On the second day, I was able to secure a COVID/flu test kit. And it clearly showed that I had influenza A. Statistically, it is the most likely and, unfortunately, generally worse to have than influenza B. However, with the knowledge of what we were treating and with the help of Nancy and Cappuccino, I was able to get started on the antiviral medication, Tamiflu. But the band played on.

The third day dawned after yet another nearly sleepless night. Between the coughing (gong) and the body aches (dueling horns) and the chills (detuned violins), I wasn’t getting much shuteye. But I did have two new symptoms to add. The nausea was a timpani played arrhythmically, always off the beat, tuned a little flat, and just booming away. The loss of appetite was a snare drum boring a tunnel through all the dystonia. Almost like a dentist’s drill. Not sure if these new symptoms were from the flu or from the medicine for the flu. But there they were.

I won’t belabor this already belabored blog with any more description of my illness. Suffice it to say that the marching band and complete orchestra shuffled around with me for a full four days. It was quite an entourage to have with you, but then I did have a cavalcade of symptoms.

A couple of observations: First a full marching band and a symphony orchestra are too many people for your average bedroom. And second the bill for all those musicians comes to a pretty penny, let me tell you. It wasn’t really until yesterday, day 7, that I finally felt “well“. I still have a cough, I’m hoarse, and my energy level is not back up to normal. But at least I don’t feel sick. And I have been able to let most of the instrumentalists go. Yay!

Mildly amusing anecdote: Nancy had texted Cappuccino telling her I was “looking pretty punk.” (Merriam-Webster: punk-an old-fashioned way of saying “in poor health.”) So in a brief interlude, when I was feeling okay, (the orchestra and band must’ve been on break,) I asked AI to make me “look punk” and got the following creation.

(Now before people start writing in the comments that I should’ve gotten my flu shot, I assure you I did get my flu shot and my COVID shot and I’m up-to-date on my pneumonia and my RSV and all the other shots that I’m supposed to have. It just turns out that the flu shot this year was only 30 to 40% effective on the strain of influenza A that was prevalent this season.)

So, this week I had planned to discuss one of the trails I mentioned last time. I got the guidebook for the Santa Fe to Taos Trail on Tuesday. But, as you now know, I came down with the flu two days before that, on Sunday. Between hosting a complete Symphony Orchestra and a large scale marching band, and just generally feeling miserable I didn’t get around to looking through the guidebook.

So, assuming I don’t have any other musical excursions, I’ll be back next week and write about one of the trails. Until then, safe travels and happy trails…

PS- If you are playing Bolero in the background, go ahead and listen to the end. I think it’s worth it, the last minute or so is more what the flu is like, and what else’s are you doing, anyway.😁